I have watched this trailer twice already. Does anyone want to go and see this movie with me? Five times?
WASHINGTON—Following the unexpected announcement, a solemn Obama reportedly grabbed his keys, hugged his two daughters for what witnesses called an extended period of time, kissed his wife on the forehead, and quietly whispered, "I love you."
Hey you guys! Mungo Bean 2 is finished, printed and available in my Etsy shop! You can buy it before it's even been on the internets! You can trust me when I tell you that it's very good.
PLUS! If you already have Mungo Bean 1, and you'd like to buy the Hattie gift pack, just let me know when you purchase it and I'll swap out MB1 for MB2!
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The Naming of Things
I guess too many things make the same type of noise for this to really be practical. If you're looking to order something for Christmas outside the USA at TopatoCo, time is almost out! The deadline for First Class International-type shipping has passed and you gotta get Priority or Express shipping now for it to get there in time. USA, you're all still relatively safe until we say otherwise. U-S-A!
Phishing lure directs recipients to create a "Personal H1N1 Vaccination Profile" with the CDC.
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There's a natural limit to how happy a person can be at work. If work becomes fun, your boss will stop paying you to do it and start charging other people to have that fun in your place. So let's agree that work has to be a little bit unpleasant, at least for most people. Still, despite this unpleasantness, many people have a feeling called job satisfaction.
My theory is that your degree of job satisfaction is largely a function of who you blame for the necessarily unpleasant job you have. If you blame yourself, that's when cognitive dissonance sets in and your brain redefines your situation as "satisfied." To do otherwise would mean you deliberately keep yourself in a bad situation for no good reason, assuming you believe you have options. Your brain likes to rationalize your actions to seem consistent with the person you believe you are.
The assumption that you have better options and the freedom to pursue them is essential to the illusion of job satisfaction. As long as you believe, incorrectly, that pleasant jobs exist elsewhere, and are yours for the taking, you have to rationalize why you don't go out and get one. And the best reason your brain can concoct is that you must be satisfied right where you are, against all evidence to the contrary. To believe otherwise means defining yourself as lazy, scared, or incapable. Your brain doesn't like that option.
I first noticed this during the Dotcom era. In those years, when people came to believe, incorrectly, that the common person could go start his own Google, everyone I asked seemed to have job satisfaction. In other words, employees blamed themselves for being in their putrid situations. They believed themselves capable of great things, so they rationalized that their current jobs must be satisfying already.
The situation was the very opposite in the early nineties, when big companies were downsizing and it seemed as though employees didn't have many options. If you got fired by company A, you couldn't get hired by company B because they too were downsizing. Employees felt trapped. They blamed management for their woes.
If my theory is true, the best way to make your employees feel a false sense of job satisfaction is to somehow convince them that there are much better jobs elsewhere. For example, you could subscribe all employees to entrepreneur magazines that are full of stories about people who left their unsatisfying jobs to become zillionaires. If you instill the false belief that better careers are obtainable, cognitive dissonance will cause the employees that have high self-esteem to believe they must enjoy their current jobs.
Leadership is just another word for evil.
My theory is that your degree of job satisfaction is largely a function of who you blame for the necessarily unpleasant job you have. If you blame yourself, that's when cognitive dissonance sets in and your brain redefines your situation as "satisfied." To do otherwise would mean you deliberately keep yourself in a bad situation for no good reason, assuming you believe you have options. Your brain likes to rationalize your actions to seem consistent with the person you believe you are.
The assumption that you have better options and the freedom to pursue them is essential to the illusion of job satisfaction. As long as you believe, incorrectly, that pleasant jobs exist elsewhere, and are yours for the taking, you have to rationalize why you don't go out and get one. And the best reason your brain can concoct is that you must be satisfied right where you are, against all evidence to the contrary. To believe otherwise means defining yourself as lazy, scared, or incapable. Your brain doesn't like that option.
I first noticed this during the Dotcom era. In those years, when people came to believe, incorrectly, that the common person could go start his own Google, everyone I asked seemed to have job satisfaction. In other words, employees blamed themselves for being in their putrid situations. They believed themselves capable of great things, so they rationalized that their current jobs must be satisfying already.
The situation was the very opposite in the early nineties, when big companies were downsizing and it seemed as though employees didn't have many options. If you got fired by company A, you couldn't get hired by company B because they too were downsizing. Employees felt trapped. They blamed management for their woes.
If my theory is true, the best way to make your employees feel a false sense of job satisfaction is to somehow convince them that there are much better jobs elsewhere. For example, you could subscribe all employees to entrepreneur magazines that are full of stories about people who left their unsatisfying jobs to become zillionaires. If you instill the false belief that better careers are obtainable, cognitive dissonance will cause the employees that have high self-esteem to believe they must enjoy their current jobs.
Leadership is just another word for evil.
News In Photos
Excuse me, but I noticed that you were looking at a carpet a moment ago. You were wise to walk away from that one. I have carpets of much finer...
ORLANDO, FL—Dismissing questions regarding his lack of executive experience, his willingness to make tough personnel decisions, and rumors that his team may soon move to Los Angeles, two-time Super Bowl champion coach...
ASTORIA, OR—The deadly auto wreck that claimed the life of local high school science teacher Donald Vaughan, 47, would have neatly and...
Voters in Switzerland passed a referendum banning the construction of new Muslim prayer towers. What do you think?
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December 1st, 2009:
– Ryan | |||
Slideshow
COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS COCKS
Hey everybody, it is the time for shopping!
Luckily for you, I am selling you stuff!
This stuff is good for people that a) you love, or b) like awesome things. For example, you can buy the gift packs featured here! And I will draw in them for NO MONEY. Also you can buy comics and badges by
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tedprior ! Order now to ensure Christmas shipping!
Sinfest
Tatsuya Ishida
I kept cracking up while I was drawing the third row of panels. Hopefully you find it similarly amusing.
I am proud to announce that as of Monday afternoon, Cristi and I are the proud owners of a brand-new house! I wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you, because without your support this never would have happened. I have been tremendously lucky to have such supportive readers, and I will be eternally thankful for your patronage and generosity. You've enabled me to support myself through QC for the past six years, and I promise I will continue to do my absolute best with the comic in return. So once again, thank you. You guys are the best.
IMPORTANT HOLIDAY SHIPPING DEADLINES!
See you tomorrow!
New Cyanide and Happiness Comic.
|
2009-11-30 21:59:10
selling the book again, order soon if you want it in/around christmas. |
I waited by the computer all Monday and no one tried to cyber me. So sad. At least I have plenty of shipping to keep me busy.
Does a 'Cap and Trade energy bill' require that all existing properties must meet new energy standards before they can be sold?
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
Republicans say they have found their fresh new face in the corpse of Ronald Reagan, recently back from the dead.
dudes I have Riker'd it up, perhaps you should too:
Riker Town
My fave episode still is the one where everyone is falling on the bridge. I think I have only seen like four episodes of TNG, perhaps I should nerd up and watch more. They're pretty amazing.
Riker Town
My fave episode still is the one where everyone is falling on the bridge. I think I have only seen like four episodes of TNG, perhaps I should nerd up and watch more. They're pretty amazing.
Years ago, in my book The Dilbert Future, I predicted that someday it will be nearly impossible to commit a crime and get away with it. The technology for catching criminals is improving faster than the criminals are getting smarter. Just watch any episode of CSI and you'll know what I'm talking about.
Lately, it seems as if every time a kid gets abducted, or a plane crashes, someone produces security camera footage of the incident. It won't be long before all light fixtures have surveillance cameras in them as standard equipment. Someday, everywhere there are people, inside your home and out, there will also be surveillance video. In the interest of privacy, these ubiquitous videos will be encrypted so securely that playback will be effectively impossible unless the court orders it. And the court would need a row of supercomputers plus a password to crack the encryption. It will seem creepy for about a day, then you will get used to it.
If you think you can just steal the security video after you do the crime, those days are over too. Companies like Connexed send security video to remote servers as it records. A crook can dynamite the entire building and there will still be a video of the event.
http://www.connexed.com/
I also predict that the technology for "sniffing" the air of a crime scene will improve to the point that fingerprints and DNA will become redundant. If a bloodhound can track one individual among many, I predict machines will do the same some day. Eventually, being a drug dealer will become even more
impractical than it is now. Drug sniffing dogs can't be everywhere all the time, but machines that do the same thing can be ubiquitous, assuming their costs come down over time. Someday those sniffing devices might even be in your car, preventing you from starting the engine if you're toasted. That's
the end of drunk driving.
I can also imagine that any small item worth stealing, including debit and credit cards, will someday have RFID devices built in. If you get near a Point of Sale device with a stolen card, the police will be able to track you, even before you use the card. By then, cash and checks will be obsolete.
It will soon be impossible to get away with stealing cars, cell phones or laptops, as they will all have tracking technology built in. And the police will eventually be able to remotely stop the engine of any car that is trying to make a getaway. Perhaps someday your laptop won't boot up if it senses that it is more than a predetermined distance from your phone, car, home, or business.
Even the days of police shootouts - at least the type that can last for hours - are coming to an end, thanks to the invention of a bullet that can shoot around corners.
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packag
My guess is that most white collar crimes are already being detected, and the perpetrators are generally getting caught, albeit not as quickly as society would like. I predict that technology will keep getting better at thwarting that sort of illegal activity. If you work for a bank, for example, it's already nearly impossible to get away with a sizable white collar crime.
In the future, graft and bid rigging will remain the hardest crimes to detect, because in those cases it will be difficult to tell the difference between collusion and coincidence. The minimum requirement for solving a
crime is realizing that one was committed. So if you plan a life of crime, my advice is to become more of a colluder than a stabber. Stabbers will go to jail. Colluders will own them.
Lately, it seems as if every time a kid gets abducted, or a plane crashes, someone produces security camera footage of the incident. It won't be long before all light fixtures have surveillance cameras in them as standard equipment. Someday, everywhere there are people, inside your home and out, there will also be surveillance video. In the interest of privacy, these ubiquitous videos will be encrypted so securely that playback will be effectively impossible unless the court orders it. And the court would need a row of supercomputers plus a password to crack the encryption. It will seem creepy for about a day, then you will get used to it.
If you think you can just steal the security video after you do the crime, those days are over too. Companies like Connexed send security video to remote servers as it records. A crook can dynamite the entire building and there will still be a video of the event.
http://www.connexed.com/
I also predict that the technology for "sniffing" the air of a crime scene will improve to the point that fingerprints and DNA will become redundant. If a bloodhound can track one individual among many, I predict machines will do the same some day. Eventually, being a drug dealer will become even more
impractical than it is now. Drug sniffing dogs can't be everywhere all the time, but machines that do the same thing can be ubiquitous, assuming their costs come down over time. Someday those sniffing devices might even be in your car, preventing you from starting the engine if you're toasted. That's
the end of drunk driving.
I can also imagine that any small item worth stealing, including debit and credit cards, will someday have RFID devices built in. If you get near a Point of Sale device with a stolen card, the police will be able to track you, even before you use the card. By then, cash and checks will be obsolete.
It will soon be impossible to get away with stealing cars, cell phones or laptops, as they will all have tracking technology built in. And the police will eventually be able to remotely stop the engine of any car that is trying to make a getaway. Perhaps someday your laptop won't boot up if it senses that it is more than a predetermined distance from your phone, car, home, or business.
Even the days of police shootouts - at least the type that can last for hours - are coming to an end, thanks to the invention of a bullet that can shoot around corners.
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packag
My guess is that most white collar crimes are already being detected, and the perpetrators are generally getting caught, albeit not as quickly as society would like. I predict that technology will keep getting better at thwarting that sort of illegal activity. If you work for a bank, for example, it's already nearly impossible to get away with a sizable white collar crime.
In the future, graft and bid rigging will remain the hardest crimes to detect, because in those cases it will be difficult to tell the difference between collusion and coincidence. The minimum requirement for solving a
crime is realizing that one was committed. So if you plan a life of crime, my advice is to become more of a colluder than a stabber. Stabbers will go to jail. Colluders will own them.
digg 
facebook 
reddit 
stumbleupon Hello! I have added some new items like Minicomics and Buttons to my shop! Supplies are limited. In addition, there is a sale on 8" x 10" prints (buy 3, get one free).
If you are thinking of buying prints or buttons or anything as gifts, please order as early as possible. It takes me time to package and ship everything, so the sooner you order the more likely it is that it will reach you in time. Thanks!
If you are thinking of buying prints or buttons or anything as gifts, please order as early as possible. It takes me time to package and ship everything, so the sooner you order the more likely it is that it will reach you in time. Thanks!
Educational comics for youngsters. Put your children in front of this comic and don't let them leave until they learn it.
NEW YORK—According to a report published Tuesday by the Center for the Study of Goddamn Fucking Shames, 96 percent of the nation's sorry...
HOUSTON—Texans placekicker Kris Brown used a three-hour practice Thursday to work on placekicking, sources reported.
Actor Kirk Cameron, best known for his work on the television program Growing Pains, is touring college campuses to hand out copies of Charles...
You worked all night on your flyer. It's got a picture of you smiling and holding a guitar. Underneath that is your headline.
"Guitar Lessons For Women."
Then comes the hard sell. "I will teach you how to play guitar in eight weeks, all in the privacy of your own home. Women only."
You're excited for your new business venture. You've looked around at the other flyers posted in the chinese takeout places and laundromats, and as far as you can tell yours is the first in-home guitar school that is specifically for females. You are certain that there are a lot of women out there who will be excited that there's finally a guitar teacher for them, a guitar teacher who will not just teach women guitar, but who will refuse to teach men the guitar.
As your flyer says, "If you're a woman and you want to learn the guitar, I'm ready to come over to your house. I will not teach mean guitar, nor will I give a woman a lesson if there is a man in the house. Absolutely private lessons guaranteed. No one else has to even know I'm there in your house."
All the baristas at the coffee shop who said your flyer is too creepy to post there, and the receptionist at the dance studio who said your flyer is too creepy to post there, and those first three copy shops who refused to xerox your flyers because they didn't want to get involved in the investigation that's sure to come, they're all just jealous that they didn't think of your idea first. This is the best business concept you've had since you opened your "Boys Under !2 Only Sauna."
Happy Guitar Lessons For Women Day!
"Guitar Lessons For Women."
Then comes the hard sell. "I will teach you how to play guitar in eight weeks, all in the privacy of your own home. Women only."
You're excited for your new business venture. You've looked around at the other flyers posted in the chinese takeout places and laundromats, and as far as you can tell yours is the first in-home guitar school that is specifically for females. You are certain that there are a lot of women out there who will be excited that there's finally a guitar teacher for them, a guitar teacher who will not just teach women guitar, but who will refuse to teach men the guitar.
As your flyer says, "If you're a woman and you want to learn the guitar, I'm ready to come over to your house. I will not teach mean guitar, nor will I give a woman a lesson if there is a man in the house. Absolutely private lessons guaranteed. No one else has to even know I'm there in your house."
All the baristas at the coffee shop who said your flyer is too creepy to post there, and the receptionist at the dance studio who said your flyer is too creepy to post there, and those first three copy shops who refused to xerox your flyers because they didn't want to get involved in the investigation that's sure to come, they're all just jealous that they didn't think of your idea first. This is the best business concept you've had since you opened your "Boys Under !2 Only Sauna."
Happy Guitar Lessons For Women Day!
BALTIMORE—Local restaurant manager Brad Conner signed up for a PumpkinZonia.com membership Monday, attracted by the irresistible lure of 10 completely free, no-strings-attached Prismatic Pumpkin Points, which he can spend as he sees fit.
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November 30th, 2009: Here are some links I assembled for you guys!
– Ryan | |||
Profile
- sfllaw
- Simon Law
- Simon Law’s Site
Page Summary
- tiny_monster : OMGBABIES [+1]
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the_onion_daily : Obama Tells Nation He's Going Out For Cigarettes [+0] - tiny_monster : Mungo Bean 2 now available! [+0]
- the_onion_daily : [audio] MIT Mad Scientists Say Corpse-Reanimation Still 10 Years Away [+0]
- overcomp : strip for December / 01 / 2009: The Naming of Things [+3]
- explodingdogrss : explodingdog drawings for December 1st 2009 [+0]
- homestar_rss : 2010 Calendars [+0]
- snopes_dot_com : CDC Vaccination Profile [+0]
- softerworldfeed : A Softer World: i blame the sea shops, drops [+0]
- dilbert_blog : Job Satisfaction [+0]
- the_onion_daily : Area Woman Morbidly Fit [+0]
- the_onion_daily : Opinion: My Friend, You Will Love This Narrow Moroccan Alley (by Tahar Hissou) [+0]
- the_onion_daily : In Focus: Unmanned Military Drone Briefly Grasps Senselessness Of War [+0]
- the_onion_daily : Sports: Former Orlando Breakers Coach Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski Adjusts To New GM Duties [+0]
- the_onion_daily : Physics Teacher's Car Accident Would've Made Perfect Example For Class [+0]
- the_onion_daily : Swiss Vote Down New Minarets [+0]
- dinosaurcomics : seriously tempted to put out a whole line of these novels: "CLASSICS OF WESTERN LITERATURE: THE ODYS [+8]
- survivingworld : Lesson #508 - Vampires [+0]
- catandgirl : Bait and Switch [+0]
- the_onion_daily : Slideshow: Comedians [+0]
- questionablerss : what [+22]
- tiny_monster : shhhhhhhopping [+0]
- sinfestfeed : 2009-12-01: Sinfest [+9]
- questionablerss : Do Not Cross Her [+14]
- cyanideandhappy : 12.01.2009 [+0]
- pfsc : just how he plays the timpani [+4]
- dieselsweet : DS Web: 1040-EZ Rider [+0]
- sluggy_feed : Comic: 12/01/09 [+0]
- snopes_dot_com : Cap and Trade Energy Bill [+24]
- goats_comic : strip for December / 01 / 2009: the stillness of teh nerdzors [+0]
- the_onion_daily : [audio] Russia Finds Missing St. Petersburg [+0]
- the_onion_daily : [video] Zombie Reagan Raised From Grave To Lead GOP [+0]
- overcomp : strip for November / 30 / 2009: Cyber Monday [+4]
- beatonna : Riker [+62]
- dilbert_blog : It's Getting Harder to Be a Criminal [+0]
- explodingdogrss : explodingdog drawings for Monday November 30th [+0]
- softerworldfeed :
A Softer World: 506 [+7]
- nedroidcomics : Shop It to Me [+35]
- the_onion_daily : In Focus: Armless, Legless Tiger Woods Wins U. S. Open [+0]
- pennyarcaderss : Comic: Witchblades [+13]
- nedroidcomics : Look Out! It's a Trapezoid! [+44]
- the_onion_daily : Nation's Poor Bastards Never Even Saw It Coming [+0]
- indexed_feed : Wake up, wake up! [+0]
- the_onion_daily : Sports: Placekicker Using Practice To Work On Placekicking [+0]
- the_onion_daily : Cameron Distributing Darwin [+0]
- girlsprettyrss : Guitar Lessons For Women Day! [+0]
- the_onion_daily : Man Signs Up For PumpkinZonia.com, Seeing As There's Free Prismatic Pumpkin Points In It [+0]
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erfworld :: stevemb : Book 2 – Text Updates 002 [+0] - dinosaurcomics : openoffice doesn't have "utahraptor" OR "superduds" in its spell check dictionary. it's open source [+8]
- survivingworld : Lesson #507 - Spitting [+0]