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Diurnal musings

  • 9th Jan, 2005 at 10:01 PM

I spent all of last night coughing instead of sleeping. Every half and hour or so, I'd be woken up by my body's reflexive, and unsuccessful attempt, to cough up a lung. I've got some phelgm stuck in there that's obviously giving me some irritiation. The pollution here is ridiculous, so anyone with a breathing disorder should probably stock up on puffers before coming here. Maybe I should go around wearing a mask or something?

I'm also completely surprised at how many people have commented on Home, which was a little piece I wrote to disprove ayria. This backfired horribly, as people actually liked what I wrote. Now what do I do? Write more, and post it?

More importantly, how much do I bare my spirit? Moreover, since I am such a private person, can I handle having people know my private thoughts? As regular readers may have noticed, I have yet to make a private or protected post, since I've been presuming that anything I write will eventually be known by the public anyway. Which means that my journal lacks the je ne sais quoi that angsty teenagers imbue in theirs.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
10th Jan, 2005 04:55 (UTC)
how much?
how much of your spirit do you bare? how much of your spirit is there? is it always the same, or does it change? when you go within and bare it, is there not an infinite depth still left hidden - untouched?

to bare the spirit simply uncovers more, still there - waiting. and changes us in the waking world.
10th Jan, 2005 07:11 (UTC)
Re: how much?
I don't know. I've never looked that deep before.
10th Jan, 2005 08:22 (UTC)
Are you happy as a private person? If so, why bother? If not, then it is more a matter of conquering your fears.

Why are you such a private person, anyway? Can people steal your thoughts?

The way I write my LJ entries usually is by writing it all, how I felt, what I think. I feel so much better after having done this, I recommend people do that anyway. Then I edit stuff out. When I'm done, I look at what's left, and decide whether it should be friends-only or public.

I know that things I set friends-only might reach non-friends, but I mean it that way. I don't mean to lie and deceive people behind their backs, and when I put something friends-only, it's not because I don't want some people to know, but rather that I don't want to rub some things in people's face. If they want to know, they'll have to jump a few hoops, which are there for their own sake, and out of my own respect for them.
10th Jan, 2005 09:00 (UTC)
I think I'm happy as a private person. But the poetry I've been writing has been heartfelt, so it's like I'm opening a window to myself for the world to see.

But ever since I came to Hong Kong, I've been re-evaluating my premises. If the world here can sustain itself on different premises, then perhaps my own personal axioms could vary, shift, and be different.

Perhaps I'd be happier as less private person? I don't know, since I've always kept my own counsel. Whenever I have problems, I don't seek out people to help me. I always need to have help foisted upon me, and I think that I'm too damned proud.

In the past, I've reasoned that by keeping my self private, I could protect myself from people who'd want to use this information to take advantage of me. Which is why I don't think any less of the people that I do help. After all, I would never take advantage of them, or any of the debt that they owe me. I trust myself to be a good person.

However, I've been thinking that perhaps holding my friends closer might be a good idea. I've been thinking that maybe they'd like to know me better, or something. And that we might even co-operate to make something better. But it's just a theory, you know?
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )